Blog #86: A Letter to the Kiloby Center

Blog #86: A Letter to the Kiloby Center


I am the creator of AYP for Recovery. AYP stands for Advanced Yoga Practices, which is an open-source database of spiritual practices and knowledge. AYP is also a digital nexus around which a budding community is forming worldwide. AYP for Recovery is a tiny spin-off of the main AYP website, which is not primarily concerned with recovery from addiction, but rather with cultivating ecstatic bliss, stillness in action, and an outpouring of divine love—for anyone interested, regardless of their background with substance abuse.

Anyway, a gentleman posted on the AYP forum with a quote from Scott Kiloby, and since I have some fresh experience with addiction and recovery, I took a look at the Kiloby Center website and stumbled upon his most recent blog about fear supposedly being the driving force behind addiction.

Since Scott seems like a decent guy whose intentions are noble, I just wanted throw him a little bone on the matter—a little illumination, so to speak. To get straight to the point, let me clarify: fear is NOT the driving force behind addiction. Desire is.

Fear is a spin-off of desire. We get afraid when we're not getting what we want. So, for instance, the fear of death arises when the desire to live is being threatened. When the desire to live is threatened, fear enters consciousness as a safeguard to protect us, and the fight-or-flight response is activated. If neither fight nor flight are successful in sustaining life in the body, then the soul (individual consciousness) surrenders. Surrender is the ultimate letting go. But in lieu of letting go, fear will catalyze a person to hold on, and sometimes we can hold on, and need to hold on.

Fear is a vital component of the emotional spectrum, and highly useful on the spiritual path as fuel for progress. The same could be said about hatred, jealousy, envy, rage, shame, guilt, and other so-called negative emotions. All emotions, whether refined or rough, are the power of love. And love is desire. And desire is not only the cause of addiction, but the solution to addiction. Desire is what transforms addiction into something pure, something magical.

With the ingestion of alcohol, marijuana, psychedelics, or any of the smorgasbord of mind-altering substances, users are merely trying to satisfy their desire for transcendence. That is the crux of the whole game. The artificial substances are shortcuts to expand consciousness, plain and simple. But we pay a price for taking shortcuts, don't we? So, ingesting substances for the purpose of transcendence is a self-induced trap—a tragic comedy, really! Fortunately, there is a solution, and as Scott knows, tapping into the source of all peace and calmness is a great place to start. But we need a strong desire to do that, and we need to recognize the central, core purity that was underneath our addictive desire all along, before the yearning became impure via the pollution of our nervous system by the aforementioned toxins.

Here is my recovery story, if interested:

And here is a thorough, critical look at the 12 Steps and the AA culture:

I want to thank Scott for posting his blog, not because of its correctness, but because of its incorrectness. Sometimes missing the mark helps us get closer to the truth, and so I appreciate his bravery in taking a shot at cracking the code of addiction.

We shall know the truth, and the truth shall set us free.

AYP is place for those who are divinely addicted, and I am one of them. I am hopelessly addicted to ecstatic bliss, stillness in action, and an outpouring of divine love. There is no hope for me. There isn't much more fight or flight left. I have actively surrendered to That.

Feel free to use AYP as a resource, if you happen to find yourself spiraling through the matrix of desire...looking for tools of navigation...


Cody Rickett

Leave a Reply